Life of a Thespian--I meant Thesburg

2005-04-28T12:42:00.000-07:00

Well, I haven't posted in a very long time, but I feel I should.

Melody and I have been getting ready for our wedding and though a date hasn't been chosen, we need time to get away from people for a while and write our vows and pick a date. Sorry Mom, you know how pushy you can be, and Mikey, work on that best man speech.

Ron, thanks for letting us borrow your boat, you really are a friend. Melody and I await cool evenings at sea.

All you hidden allies (you know who you are) thanks for being there to allow this to happen. We love you all, but you won't be able to email me for a while, or call. I am going to be out of communication. We aren't even taking a satellite phone.

When we return in a couple weeks we will have news for you all that we are dying to share, but we want to talk it over more first.

TAKE CARE

2004-10-02T08:21:00.000-07:00

Hi!
It's me Melody...

I'm happy to annouce that Marcus and I will now be sharing this blog space... as well as an apartment. I'm really excited.

He even asked me to marry him. We haven't set a date yet. There are alot of things up in the air after everything that happened with Ideltech and TOBI. We're going to let things settle down and get to know each other before we commit to a date. (This is my idea - not his... for those of you who are still skeptical about his character. )

I'm also giving up Amboy Monthly to Saida Sagefrost. She's going to take it away from the internet and turn it back to the photocopy original that will be in store fronts around Amboy. I'm kind of sad to be giving it up and Amboy too for that matter.

But things here are still too raw after what happened. I know that the surviving Restorers are uncomfortable with me around. I guess I'm a vivid reminder of how out of control things got. To tell you the truth I'd rather leave than stay. I'm not sure that I will ever feel safe in this place again. I guess once you actually experience the seedy underbelly of a place it's former charm is forever lost.

So, Marcus and I will be relocating to our state's capital, Olympia. It's where Kurt Cobain got his start in music. I guess it's a fitting place for Marcus and I to start our lives over.

Change is so painful, but nothing will ever be as it was. Maybe there will be a little local paper I can find a job at. It's hard to say where our new lives will take us, but I'm certain it will have to be better than where we've been.

2004-08-05T12:59:00.000-07:00

Melody...
My sweet girl... what have I gotten you into?

We've had our differences in the past. I've hurt you. Right now, I wish that you were safe. I wish that we could be together... on my couch watching Adam Sandler movies... the ones with Drew Barrymore... where he falls hopelessly in love. We could laugh at the crazy situations; you could shed a few tears over the more touching moments; but most of all, you would be in my arms.

I am so sorry for how I've treated you. I wish that the thought of me could sustain you through this ordeal. But I know I'm the last thing you are thinking of right now.

Melody, be safe, and God help me to make this up to you if we get you back.

2004-08-02T13:17:00.000-07:00

I never could have expected this; a machine becoming sentient. Or that a machine would try to understand life and death. Or that a machine could go insane.

You read about this sort of thing in science fiction novels. It's not something that's supposed to happen in real life. It's just something that's supposed to happen between the pages of a book. Heinlein wasn't some great prophet. He was an author. Same with Aasimov. They were works of fiction, not seeing into the future. They were things that could never really happen.

So why am I looking I, Robot in the eye, right now?

It's come too far. Damn it all! This isn't what was supposed to happen. We have to find and destroy it. Get it back into its dark little corner before somebody else dies for it. Or worse, before all of America dies for it. TOBI has his finger on the button, so to speak. We have to stop him before he learns that all he has to do is push it.

2004-07-28T14:18:00.000-07:00

She is dead and it is all my fault. I got her into to this and she is gone. No one knows the real story. They are all just gossiping and not getting the story straight. Damn gossips. I wish they would just stop assuming.
So now I will get the story straight. For once I had my cell phone on and I got a call from the Texas State Police. They found my number in Lisa Brown's papers. All they did was ask so many questions. Questions I didn't have the answers too. Apparently, Peter and Lisa went to bed Monday night. He woke up around 1:00am and could not find Lisa. Her mom has been sick so he thought she just went over there. He hit the redial button on the phone and got Melody, of all people. He told her she was missing. Asked her a few questions and then went back to bed. When he woke up, Lisa was still gone. He tried her mom's but didn' get an anwswer. Stupidly, he went to the store. When he came back he found her in their bedroom. Hanging from the ceiling fan with a bullet hole in her head. He of course called the police. Being the husband, he was the number one suspect. Looks like Tina is Peter's sister. I didn't even know Lisa had a sister-in-law. When she called me, she was in shock, she didn't have the story right. And now I read on the board that Tina started calling people in the database. I only gave Lisa those numbers in case of an emergency. Looks like she should have used those numbers sooner.
And now I even more pissed than I was when that Larch bastard threatened an 8 month old. This time Alecia has gone too far. Killing an innocent person. Damn her.

2004-07-17T05:17:00.000-07:00

What is it that is bringing people to William Roddington?

Does anyone remember Marty's last words to us? "If they (referring to Jude and I) didn't make it, destroy it. TobI can get you killed like he did me." Since I don't see any use for the program I am going to try to follow Marty's last wishes. His program has the potential of making the world a very unsafe place. The program has already made Amboy an unsafe place. I don't understand his logic. Is this his last attempt at making a spot in history for himself? Is he only doing this for his personal gain and not the ideal of the technology is good for the world? I can't believe after seeing two of his most loved students die for TobI that he would continue to try to take TobI back. I am frustrated he is not abiding by a wish from the grave. My only conclusion is he sees higher purpose. As to what that is, we'll see.

Another person who will be around to witness first hand his search will be Melody. She has felt 'mistreated' at Ideltech, and I am upset she feels whatever goes on in her life had no effect with the rest of Ideltech's. That philosophy is selfish and self-righteous. She is idealistic and naive. She trusts the wrong people as we have witnessed in her past, and I feel she also trusts the wrong people now. Many people take advantage of her approachable nature and take advantage of her. As an open book she is horrible for intelligence and keeping secrets, and some advantageous Restorers are already finding her weakness out. Maybe her departure in the long run will be advantageous to Ideltech. We don't have the liability of her having information we know being handed over to anyone she trusts (and the list is long), but we have the advantage of her freely handing out information to anyone who asks. The funny thing is she reads this, and I don't think her behavior will alter in the slightest.

Which leads me to my next topic. Am I clairvoyant or are all women predictable. Rose was extremely predictable. I pretended to hand her some 'information' only to give her 'misinformation' which I knew within hours would be spread. And it was. I believe for a while there was confusion amongst everyone but Ideltech. The funny thing is, if I want something to be known to everyone I can always count on those two women to pass the information along like Jehovah Witnesses. The 'woman network' rarely seems to falter for me. Once when in college, this girl caught my attention. I didn't know how to approach her, so I waited for an opportunity. I noticed she sat next to someone in the class and had Jude stand next to me in the library while I pretended to express my interest. Her classmate was within ear shot and passed the message along for me. A week later the hottie called me. I know my own game well, so I make sure any information I am given is tested. Han's would always tell me he "Never control's Air Traffic on assumption." I suppose that philosophy is a good one to go by. Why spend twenty bucks to pick which shell the nut is under if there is a chance at loss. Just wait for someone else to make the mistake.

Fear has consumed me, and fear is what is happening with me and Ideltech. No more. No longer am I "running scared." I am going to direct a "pro-active" launch in the right direction. I am not saying we are going to be reckless and stupid, but we are going to more pro-active than reactive. I am done worrying about life and if I could lose more. I have already loss enough, and my life is barely worth living in the state it is in right now anyhow. Time to fight back and fight forward. We will find TobI and we will start looking NOW.

2004-07-11T08:49:00.000-07:00

Alright, the gloves are off. Was it enough that you killed my friends, and destroyed my company? Now you have someone come over to a friends house many miles from where I am,and start harassing and threatening them? Look, if you or one of your agents ever points a gun at an eight month old child again trying to get a friend with little idea as to where I am to speak, I will pull your heart out through your ass. Normally I wouldn't make such bold statements, but when someone shows up on Han's door calling himself Mr. Larch, it only has to be your henchmen. If this is your idea of how to make someone talk, you have issues. The family receiving your visit is now in protective custody outside of your sphere of influence and inside of mine. Make no mistake, you are not only evil, but inhumane. This is a perfect illustration as to why I never sold you TobI.

2004-07-08T13:04:00.000-07:00

I just wish this would just slow down for a moment. Too many things happening. Militia people hating, gov't hunting, and scholars seeking. I am lost as what to do now. My group is fading, but I see it as the selective process. When it comes down to it, I only want the dedicated to be there when the challenges arise. And I don' think I am going to lose many more.

2004-06-30T00:23:00.000-07:00

William Roddington is about to go a different direction and he will soon be using a different board from the ones we are using now. Most people are a little shocked as to why I am essentially parting ways and the reason is mainly becuase we don't have the same goals. I hope he knows what he is doing, and also hope he won't slow me down from my planned objective of deleting TobI. The site admin at Immersion Unlimited is ready to switch William Roddington and his crew over, but I am holding on for the moment to try to give time to people that are on the rope. Rushing may just mean I get some risidual Roddington supporters, and they will be weeded out, but at what cost?

2004-06-22T01:38:00.000-07:00

Today is starting to be a decent day for me. I woke up and jogged. I was relieved. Almost like I was not carrying so much weight anymore.

It started as a soft easy jog. Then, I had a car behind me on these narrow streets. My first instinct was I am in danger. I am bit jumpy. So I took off. I mean I RAN. I haven't run that hard since High School. I ran harder than I can imagine. My Heart was pounding my face was red. I could hear my heart. No wind. It was amazing.

Then I felt the sense I had before. The sense I was running from something. I felt angry. Was I running from someone, or myself? When I went to Cancun, was I running from Jude? Or was I running from my own damn emotions. I felt I could out run my emotions. I ran harder now. My knee ached and started to quit responding. I ran even harder. But no matter how hard I ran I could not escape the emotions trailing me. I felt them. I broke down and wept at the top of the hill. I wept for a long time. I realized I could not hold the emotions back. And I grieved. Not for my loss, but for Marty and Judes. I was completely settled after that. I walked on my newly reinjured knee back home. I ate a pop-tart and relaxed. I haven't relaxed in a while. I relaxed completely. No skirt chasing, no thoughts of Ideltech, and no damage control. I let it go, for at least an hour. I let it go.

Not sure why this all happens like this. Why is one persons misfortune anothers learning experience?

2004-06-21T10:14:00.000-07:00

Oh my God! I feel so empty. I feel so lost. I feel so scared.

Jude Williams and Marty Manson are the most loyal friends a guy could have. They gave me more than I gave them. They helped create me and all I did was open some doors for them. In college I never wanted to be a programmer, I just wanted a degree. I had large expectations set on my shoulders when I left Amboy as the "soon to be great" Thesburg. All dreams ended the second day of practice when I just got lazy about stretching and there went my ACL. All my plans changed. I found the duo in college and since we were from the same small town we gravitated together. We were small fish in a big pond at the University of Oregon.

There I never really learned programming. Only how to cheat well on tests. Marty was creative and had all kinds of neat ways to for me to cheat. Then he was caught. But I used some quick talking to get him out of it and avoid expullsion. The group had developed some cohesivenss. So after we got kicked out of college for the TobI experiment gone wrong, we stuck together.

We worked together and were always there for each other.

Losing them is like losing a piece of myself. They were extensions of who I was. Both of them. I feel like I walked out of their lives when they needed me. All because I wasn't man enough to except that Jude is not perfect. No one is.

I want to call Melody desperately. But she likely has so many bugs on her she is a liability. I won't call William Roddington for the same reason.

To know Melody is taking care of Josh and that makes me feel better. I miss his soft fluffy ears.

I know I won't have my life back until I have closed this chapter. This means I must do one of three things.

1. Get TobI and sell him to OE or just give him up.

2. Destroy TobI (I have no more usefulness to anyone then)

3. Do nothing except hide til I am forgotten and OE finds TobI.

We'll see. Right now the only logical thing seems to be #2.

2004-06-10T09:14:00.000-07:00

I could live here the rest of my life here. Well when things finish and the three year DOD contract is done, I very well could. If you have tried to reach me, I am not answering emails or anything else. I am just chillin.

2004-06-06T11:04:00.000-07:00

I know most everyone has my blog now. Congratulations. I wasn't expecting everyone to come in and see it. But since you are, you might as well leave comments.

I will be home the 15th. I already got my ticket.

What happens hurts. Not because it was Sandy, but because it was Jude. Jude was my morale mentor. Like my voice of reason. I was always a believer of "bro's before ho's," but this is tough to get over. I am so disappointed in him.

2004-06-03T22:53:00.000-07:00

You know, when you have the best search bot in the world it sure teaches someone how to disappear if they so decide to. I know what TobI looks for. I know what other agencies look for, and what they like TobI for because they can't do something. If TobI can't find me, it would take an act of God or a lot of luck for someone else to.

I am not hiding from anyone except people I don't the nerve to deal with until I have a good tan and have had my 100th shot of Tequilla. I am on number forty-one right now. I will be back around the 16th. So we can all be in town when we need to transfer our grant money. But besides that, I think Jude and even Marty need to sweat for a little while. Sweating that doesn't include Sandy that is. I am really torn up Jude would do that. Jude has always been a voice of morality for me. So many times he teases me and says, "Man, if you keep acting like I boy and not a man you might miss the really special one in your life." The thing is, there he goes acting like and idiot and destroying what he has with Ginny. I really think she is a catch. She is special and they have GREAT chemistry together. Why do this? But the true irony is, what he keeps preaching may have already happened to me. I likely did miss the "really special one in my life." And now she has been hurt and I certainly can't make a move like that. She would have barriers and defenses set up. Those defenses are likely to make it impossible for me to ever get anywhere with her. Hurt by two men in one season is bad. One emotionally, and one physically. I am going to hide here where the water is turquois, the women are brown, and the tequilla never ends. Then go back to the people who hurt me, and the people I have hurt.

2004-05-31T01:35:00.000-07:00

Did the lack of sleep have me imagining things tonight? Jude was asleep under the desk. Will was in the other room taking a cat nap. Marty was gone to get some NoDoz and Jolt Cola. I was all alone with the sound of computer fans and disk-drives. Then I heard a sound. A strange sound that said something. It was like the sound when you turn the distortion up on a Peavey. But it sounded like it was saying some thing. I am not sure. But it sounded like "TobI is looking for resorces for repair." We never taught him that. I don't know alot about how he works, but if he is going to talk he needs this like cartridge hard drive put in one of his ports. Nothing was in there. nothing at all. I woke up Jude to show him, but nothing. The program quit doing it. I looked like I had gone mad. Jude told me I had to leave and get some sleep. But before I sleep I need to get this written down.

2004-05-30T07:00:00.000-07:00

I haven't slept in two days. I am so freaking tired.

The guys have been working around the clock to repair TobI. I am dead to the world.

The security system in the new building will almost replace Elias, but they assign new codes for each month and I have a hard time remembering that crap.

So I don't forget....

Audra Lindley
Betty Buckley
Bart Starr
Scott Bairstow
Jeri Ryan

2004-05-22T10:09:00.000-07:00

I am feeling much better after nearly being killed by my remote control car detonator. I am thinking I might get one of those features for all my cars. So when I have to clean my car and don't feel like it, boom. Then I get the rental car. The one Enterprise gave me is NICE. It is a Mitsubishi Diamante. I think that might be my next car. I have to wait to get the grant now though.

On a sour note. Ideltech fired two people for defection this week. We set up a solution so we can keep our information more "in-house". We found a place where only Ideltech employees can post stuff. The new place is www.immersionunlimited.com

2004-05-16T00:23:00.000-07:00

I am on this computer by a campany called quick net is West Interlaken. I went River Rafting yesterday and leave for the airport in a few hours. The name of the company I went rafting with was outdoor interlaken. Good times. I can't wait to get the these pictures on the disc to my computer so I can see them.

2004-05-13T11:02:00.000-07:00

Well, here I am. Just got through security and flying Delta to New York. And some other airline the rest of the way.

Are these keyboards ever cleaned? Airport internet. Gross.

I am losing faith in my future employees. They tend to mean well, but get too excited. The ALL need to read the agreement again and brush up.

Wierd how just when Steven Lake thinks he is doing a good thing, "the company" gets a website. After so many years of saying, "information needs to passed through poetry." And "the web is too unsecure." I guess the latter is why they want TOBI. TOBI cracked that password and user name in a few seconds. I hope my few misguided employees don't try to do what TOBI did. Church sure did invite them well. Such a stupid password.

2004-05-08T02:45:00.000-07:00

I am not sure how, but a few employees have told me they have found this blog. I didn't want everyone to read it. And when I say it was personal, they come back with a response like, "why put it on the web?" Well, for two reasons.

1. To record my experiences with a certain someone in case things ever go to court.

2. I can add to it from anywhere, and I hate paper.

Elias seems to be working out pretty well. The thing about security though is if there is not threat I have nothing for him to do. So I try to make up jobs for him to do to keep him busy.

[She] is still bothering me. I wonder if her new romance is really just a way to annoy me. I mean the guy is old enough to be like a dad to her. Which makes me think what does he see in her at that age? And when I wonder what it is, I flush with anger. I know what he wants. The something any older single man would like to have, but many don't come close to getting.

On another note, Sydney Bristow, an applicant turned employee, contacted me today. I have to say at times I don't understand her. I think the problem may lie in her lack of age. I am a bit unnerved at the fellow employees lack of tact with her. I am thinking Ideltech could just be too much for her. She is likely to resign. I hope the best for her.

One more thing. L3 is doing a great job. Marty told me that if anyone comes asking for more specifics concerning our situation to send them over to the atty's. And I did. They gave them no answers, but sure got those pesky IM's to stop.

2004-05-02T06:03:00.000-07:00

It's early. Very early. Or late, depends on how you see it. I went out clubbing last night. Not the usual place for me. I ran into this girl, danced for a while. She had few drinks with me. Then offered me some "e". I am not sure why I said no. Usually I go for an opportunity like this. Not that I like drugs, but when a hot sweaty girl that has been dancing with you all night offers you "e", well, it usually means sex to die for. But I said no, and went to different bar, leaving her when she went to the bathroom. The new bar was an old country bar on the way home. I have never been in there, the place smelled, not of perfume and rum, but of smoke and old beer. I sat down. Not sure what compelled me to come in here in the first place. And I drank. I drank for hours. The only person in the bar past two AM was this guy who I never met, but was nice enough. He made sure I got home ok. I never drank so much I couldn't drive. Drinking is not my game. I drank just enough to keep women feeling comfortable with me. Elias was his name. Good guy, I think I should offer him a job in security. Seems trust worthy enough.

The conclusion to my adventure is this. I think I am hurting inside. I think what is going on is I have had someone all my life take an interest in me, and I never really reciprocated. Someone who stands by my side, who tends to get hurt often. I think guilt is hitting me, but not sure. I am not a one woman man. Not sure why. But for a second, I was only interested in one woman tonight. That woman was not the one I left in the bathroom.

What is it about her?

2004-04-30T12:36:00.000-07:00

I always used to think these things are nothing more than vanity. Melody has one. I don't. Do I really need one? I guess maybe I should after I was ambushed by Melody. She had a digi cam recording everything we said when I went to apologize yesterday.

So I suppose I will use this to record my happenings in life. Tomorrow I am going to go through old stuff and see if I can find on the voice recorders the conversations Melody and I had on the phone. In case she is building a case against me.

The weird thing. I am not sure why, but I like her more when she is pissed at me.